There's that feeling that something is not right in your life. I haven't had the best couple of months. My Dad's illness has been solid. He was getting better in the hospital but then he was having secondary illnesses. Kidneys took him to the ICU; sleep medication made him sleep walk then slip & crack his head open; infections; getting out of the hospital for four days only to go back in. I want him to get better! There was still that feeling... the airport that I worked on in Alaska won an AIA Honor Award & was published in Architectural Record only to not have my name on it as one of the designers. There was still that feeling...driving home one icy night, my truck fishtailed & a kid in a car behind me hit me & spun my truck around on the highway. He was constantly calling me to not report it so he didn't get in trouble with the parents. There was still that feeling..
I went away for a couple days to the mountains to help my sister with her wedding planning. I told the boyfriend where I was but he seemed to have no concern. When I got home I decided to go out that evening. He was out at the same club but one of his friends asked me why I was there when he told him that I was not coming out. I was standing 10 feet away from him. I let him know that I was there but it was almost like I wasn't as I watched him holding every other woman than me. It sucks when you realize that you're the only one in the relationship. So I called it off with him right there. What a sad evening to be escorted home by a gay man who buys you flowers in an attempt to make things better.
Other then your own depressed feelings is having to tell the mutual friends. The ones that know you both as a couple. I only told a few so they would be in the know, but they always tell others like it was a wildfire. They do say two things, either they have been waiting for you to break up or they are sad too & don't want you to be. MY friends are of the later & were saying consultations like, "That's really sad Victoria, I knew you really liked him." HIS friends were awful! HIS friend's were making comments like, "You should of known when you started dating him that he was the bimbo of the crowd." or "You deserve better. Your like Yale & he's not even stupid." or "Tie down your girlfriends, he's single." or the worse being "Its sad that you broke up because one of my favorite personal traits about him was you." His FRIENDS! And I feel even worse because every comment that came out of their mouths I was defending HIM.
The reaction from friends is annoying but common. I was sitting at a table of girlfriends who were regaling me on how bad their own boyfriends were in bed. Freudian but point taken, I won't even talk to their boyfriends. The 6am text messages from girls wondering if their boyfriends were flirting with me. The questionable texts from men. The phone calls from other men wanting to take you out on a date even when they know that your feelings for the ex are not dead yet.
The only good thing about breaking up is finding out which friends are the good ones. The day after we broke up I went out with a girlfriend. We were eating a late dinner when in walks the ex..with a girl. General break ups involve an armistice period in which neither of you date to let emotions cool. Its not even 24 hours & he's onto the next girl. They're meeting up with mutual friends of ours. One of the friend's comes over to my table, he & my girlfriend are the crying & I'm numb. Terrifyingly numb. Like-I'm-Dorian Grey-&-scars-inside-will-be-revealed-to-revert-me-to-a-flesh-eating-zombie-kind-of-numb.
Obviously the lack of sleep has given me too much time to think. I have reviewed past relationships to discover that my recovery time has a mathematical formula. Take the time that I was in that relationship & divide it half to get the sum of time that it will take be over him. So could someone save a dance for me in six months?- V